I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
