haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Randomize
