Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
