Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
