dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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