Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
