I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
