idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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