Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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