Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
