You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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