respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
