i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
