Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
