Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
