You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
