The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
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I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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