Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
