Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
