Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
