im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize