This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He better not be in your backpack
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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