New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
