If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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