good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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