Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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