I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
