Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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