my mouth tastes like poor choices
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
