So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I woke up under a house in Key West
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