i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
