you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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