I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
