I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
