Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
When did angry sex become our thing?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
