Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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