Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
