She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
