I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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