Even the bartender felt bad for me
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
