I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
