there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
