I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
