I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
