Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
