I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Come share oat with me in your robe
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
