hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
