you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
