It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
