so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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