standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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