I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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