How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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