I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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