My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
