I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
