I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
