I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think im going to throw up on grandma
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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