i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
