Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
