you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
