i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
