nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
