I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
