also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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