he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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