um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
