I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
