I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
