Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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