I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm bleeding and have questions
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
