his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm passing your future prison.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
