I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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