Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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