tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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