Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
